Baloney: Just Hotdog Pancakes.

Who eats baloney these days? Do kids even know what it is? There are much healthier sandwich fillings, but baloney lovers know there’s nothing like nutrition-free squishy white bread and thick-sliced baloney to tickle nostalgic taste buds.

But what may seem delicious, nostalgic, and “right” to me may have a different twist for you. Should that bread be spread with butter, mustard, mayo, or perhaps all three? And what about the filling? Just baloney? A Kraft cheese slice or two? Or maybe a leaf of iceberg lettuce.

Here’s your basic sandwich. Baloney and white bread. Delicious.

If you’ve watched even one cooking show, you’ll know that it’s all about elevating ordinary foods to a gourmet level. Elevating a humble baloney sandwich could look something like the picture below, but — and this should go without saying — don’t even consider making a baloney sandwich using whole grain bread. It must be squishy white bread or go hungry.

Here’s another question: Do you use baloney cold, or do you fry it? If you’re a fryer, do you fry it and then put it onto the bread, or do you cook it like a grilled cheese sandwich? If I’m going to have warm baloney, my favourite way is to put cheese on one slice of bread and baloney on the other. I put them under the broiler until both are bubbling hot, and then put the two pieces together before eating.

But one thing we’re missing, according to a casual poll of friends — okay, one friend who is a hardcore baloney lover — is plain potato chips. Many people enjoy chips on the side, but my friend and I agree that the best place for potato chips is on top of the sandwich fillings.

Whoa! Did you notice that baloney spaghetti? Apparently, you can load a chunk of baloney into a vegetable spiralizer, then fry up the resulting meat spirals? Add the chips, and you’ve got yourself a gourmet winner.
I toted very non-gourmet white bread and baloney sandwiches to school for years. I honestly loved those sandwiches, but one of my favourite baloney memories is the “cornucopias” my mom made for quick suppers. They’re just inside-out sandwiches, really.

1. Using pre-sliced baloney, form each piece into a cone and fasten closed with a toothpick to keep the shape.

2. Cut enough white bread to fill the cones into 1 cm cubes, and fry in butter to which onion powder and garlic powder have been added. Toss bread well to coat with butter and seasoning.

3. Holding cone carefully in one hand, fill with bread cubes, packing lightly, and place on a cookie sheet. Bake in 350 degree oven until baloney is lightly browned.

4. Serve with your favourite kind of potatoes, dill pickles, and a tossed salad.

Now, it’s my turn to hear about your favourite version of the humble baloney sandwich.