A FEW LITTLE SMILES

Sometimes it’s fun to look at life through the eyes of small children, so whenever I hear the kids in my life say something memorable, I try to write it down. Here’s the collection so far.

The Players:

The quips and quotes that follow are in no particular order. At first I collected them on random scraps of paper and when I compiled them into a document I didn’t bother to sort them by date. Sorry about that, but here goes.

* * * * *

I was talking to (my husband) Murray’s mom Fran, known as “Granny Franny” to the little kids. Maggie (4) and Noah (3) were at my house, so she wanted to speak to them.

All was well with Maggie who remembers Fran, but Noah obviously confused the word “Granny” with my own Granny who had recently passed away. When I handed him the phone he said in a casual, conversational tone, “Hi Granny. I thought you were dead.”

* * * * *

Annie (Just turned 2) heard their front door open so she peeked from the kitchen and gasped: “Oh, my dood-ness! Daddy home!!”

* * * * *

Maggie (3) and I were unpacking my Nativity scene. As we unwrapped each piece we named them.

MAGGIE: Here’s baby Jesus.

Then she unwrapped the next piece and exclaimed, “And here’s his nest!”

* * * * *

I was working in the kitchen and Noah (3 ½) was quietly playing with toys in the living room.

Awhile later, I heard a little noise and looked up to see Noah standing in the doorway with his hoodie pulled up around his face and a toy drill held out like a ray-gun, his current favourite toy.

In a quiet, bashful voice he said, “Nan … do you need a superhero at your house?”

* * * * *

Noah had just learned about toilet training and the family was eating dinner when he pushed back his chair, jumped down, and pounded to the bathroom shouting, “I gotta pee! I gotta pee!”

Maggie (4) watched him go, then rolled her eyes and commented, “Well, that was graceful.”

* * * * *

My sister Arlene and Annie (3 1/2) were looking a photo album and came across a picture of my 70+ year-old Mom on a merry-go-round. (That’s a story that I’ll tell you someday.)

ANNIE:  Who’s that?
ARLENE: That’s Grandma.
ANNIE: What she doing?
ARLENE: She’s riding on a merry-go-round.
ANNIE: (leaning in for a closer look): She’s so cu-u-u-te!

* * * * *

A friend had just posted some wedding pictures on Facebook, and Annie was looking at them with me.

ANNIE (3 1/2): Oh, Nan. That lady is so nice and sparkly wif her pretty flowers, and the man is beautiful.

* * * * *

Noah came for an overnight.

ME: Do you want to wear the jammies you brought along or the ones that live at my house?
NOAH: I’ll wear yours. That will save Mommy some laundry.

* * * * *

In the wintertime Noah (5 1/2) and I were having a discussion about global warming and how Antarctica is melting.

NOAH: Do you know how I help global warming, Nan? I turn on the fan when it’s hot. And this season is really helpful too. It’s a lot better when the cold weather comes.

* * * * *

In a store with Annie (4).

ANNIE: What are you doing, Nan?
ME: I’m looking at glitter gel pens for you to use.
ANNIE: Hey! Did you just call me Jelly Pants?
ME: You mean Glitter Jelly Pants.
ANNIE: (Giggling) Annie Alice May Glitter Jelly Pants!

* * * * *

“I was tucking Annie (3) into bed with her baby doll and her monkey.
ANNIE: Nan, can you please give me my baby?
ME: Sure, sweetie.
ANNIE: Thank you, Nan.
ME: (with my hand resting on the monkey) You’re welcome.
ANNIE: That’s not my welcome. That’s my monkey.”

* * * * *

Annie (3) is holding the door open for Nolan (1 1/2).

ANNIE: Here, Nolan. Come inside now.
NOLAN shakes his head and walks away.
ANNIE (rolling her eyes): Oh, for pete’s snakes.”

* * * * *

I took Noah out for his 5th birthday lunch and we got chatting.

“NOAH: When I get big I want to drive a motorcycle.

ME: Ohhhhh … buddy, sometimes motorcycles aren’t that safe.

NOAH: Don’t worry, Nan. I’d only drive it on the sidewalk.”

* * * * *

NOAH (4) holding up a piece of celery: Nan, I think this celery used to be Peter Rabbit’s.
ME: Why do you think that?
NOAH: Because it tastes like bunny spit.”

* * * * *

I dropped in to see Nolan (14.5 months) for a bit this afternoon.
ME: Okay, Nan has to go home now.
NOLAN: (Smiling, as he takes my hand and leads me to the door.) Brrrm, brrrm, brrrm.
He had to cry when I left without him.

* * * * *

“Maggie (5) and Noah (4) playing store:

MAGGIE: Hello Sir, what can I get for you?
NOAH: Quick, I need cake and money!”

* * * *  *

ANNIE: (2 1/2) Nan, I can please watch The Nutcracket?
(She also enjoys eating cheese and crackets!)”

* * * * *

“NOAH (4) squatted down to examine a fuzzy caterpillar:

“You know, Nan, caterpillars lead a really simple life.”

* * * * *

MAGGIE: (Age 5 — staying overnight and looking forward to helping me make food for Thanksgiving the next day.)

“Nan, we’ll have to tell Grandpa and Grandma who prepared the food so they’ll know who to thank.”

* * * * *

NOAH (4): “Hey Mommy, look at this!” (He makes a face) “That’s what I look like when I have a sneaky plan.”

* * * * *

NOAH (4): (handing me a beautifully decorated bottom half of an egg carton)

“Here, Nan. This is a big boat for your bathtub. You can get our rubber duckie out of your cupboard and give him a ride while you bath.”

* * * * *

MAGGIE (5): Nan, do you know why home is the best place of all?
ME: No, why?
MAGGIE: Because home is where the love is, and your place is just like another home.

* * * * *

ME: (to Noah and Maggie) So, you’re going to visit Kylah and Liam tomorrow. Are you looking forward to playing with them?
NOAH: (age 4) Me and Liam aren’t going to play with the girls. We’re just going to be by ourselves and growl at them!

* * * * *

ME: Annie, would you like to have a baby tomato to eat?
ANNIE (2 1/2) running into the kitchen: Yeeeee haw!

* * * * *

NOAH (4): (looking at the big white jug sitting beside the cat’s litter box) What’s that Nan?
ME: It’s cat litter.
NOAH, after some thought: Why do you put oil litter in Agnes’s bathroom?

Come to think of it, the big white jug of litter does look somewhat like the big white jug of vegetable oil his mom uses!

* * * * *

MOMMY: Noah, do you remember about being safe on your bike? If we say STOP!, what do you do?
NOAH: I apply my brakes!

* * * * *

Maggie (excited): When I grow up, I’m going to be a teacher, Nan!
Noah (big sigh): I’m just going to be Superman.

* * * * *

Noah saying his bedtime prayers:
“It’s taking too long for my baby brother to come out … and I don’t know how to look after a butterfly … and I don’t know how catch a rainbow either. Um, I think I’m done, Nan.”

* * * * *

Written on Facebook to my nephew Kyle, RN:

“Happy birthday, Kyle, the guy my grandchildren love to “be”; as in, “Let’s pretend to be Kyle today and we’ll be nurses”. Or, (Noah) “See Nan, I’m Kyle and I’m holding Maggie’s hand and we’re going for a walk”.

* * * * *

Noah and I made crispy butter/chocolate squares called “Bark” — like “almond bark”.

Beth and Jon (Mommy and Daddy) and his siblings came for dinner and at one point I had to leave the table for a few minutes. When I came back, Beth said, “What on earth are we having for dessert?”

I told her I’d made Bark.

“Ohhhhh,” she said. “Noah told us we were having DOG!”

* * * * *

Last night I took the kids home. Daddy was at work so I gave them dinner, and helped them get jammies on so a very pregnant Beth wouldn’t have too. When I gave them hugs goodbye Noah gave me a huge one, then looked at me and said, “I’m really going to miss you, Nan.”

* * * * *

There is NOTHING in the world like being snuggled into cozy, flannel sheets, a grandchild in each arm, discussing why only some dragons breathe fire and whether or not they eat eels.

* * * * *

Noah (nearly 4) and I were discussing the coming of Spring.

Noah: When the ice melts, the monsters of the deep return, don’t they?

Me: Speechless — trying to figure out what the heck he just said.

Noah: You know, Nan. That’s what it says in your movie, right?

Hmmm … I guess I’ll have to take a look at my Planet Earth movie about oceans so I can figure out where that comment came from!

* * * * *

Annie (2 1/2) running in her sock feet, slipped and fell.
Me: Are you okay, Annie?
Annie: I otay, Nan.
Me: So it’s all good, then?
Annie: Ya, Nan, it all “dood” now.

She slipped her purse over her arm, grabbed her little stroller, and went back to playing.

* * * * *

Noah (almost 4), pointing to our road: Turn this way, Nan.
Me: Okay
Noah: And I’ll show you where to turn in your driveway.
Me: Thanks, Buddy, that would be great.
Noah: You’re welcome, Nan. You don’t need a GSP, you’ve got me!”

* * * * *

Noah (4) and Maggie (5) were playing together.

Noah: I’ll be the sick.
Maggie: Okay, I’ll be the nurse.

A little later …

Maggie: Come back here Noah. You can’t go home from the hospital until I touch your heart with this skelokope.”

* * * * *

Annie (nearly two) came running to me, holding out her baby and exclaiming:
“My baby dying, Nan! My baby dying, Nan!”

It took a minute to figure out that her baby was CRYING. Whew!”

* * * * *

Maggie, just home from JK: “So you know what, Nan? We learned about perseverance in school today.”

Me: “You did?? What’s perseverance?”

Maggie: “It’s when you keep on trying. If you can’t do something you don’t give up, you just ask for help. It’s really good to learn perseverance.”

Me: Silence as I shake my head in astonishment.

* * * * *

Noah (3) was chasing kitty Agnes until he had her cornered and quite upset. He called out to me, “Nan! Agnes just ‘snored’ at me!”

* * * * *

Noah – 3 1/2 (very seriously): Mom said I couldn’t have a ray gun for Christmas but Santa doesn’t know that so I hope he brings me one anyhow.”

* * * * *

“NOAH (3 1/2): Mom, what do you think God’s doing right now?
BETH: I have no idea, Noah. What do you think God’s doing?
NOAH: I think he’s eating marshmallows and watching TV. Um … I think he’s watching Max and Ruby.”

* * * * *

“Me to Noah (4): “I love you, Honey.”
Noah: “Don’t call me Honey.” … big grin … “You can call me Peanut Butter.”

* * * * *

NOAH (3): “Nan, I have a rescue ladder so I can get people out of bad things and I can be a hero.”

* * * * *

Maggie and Noah, eating dinner here, raise their glasses to each other and say, “CHAIRS!”

* * * * *

Maggie (4 ½): “You can’t smile or play if your heart doesn’t beep“!”

* * * * *

I lifted Noah (3) out of a shopping cart today and he said, “You’re just like a crane, Nan!”

* * * * *

Maggie (4) dressed up as a bride: “Noah, I need you to be my Handsome Prince.”
Noah (nearly 3) wearing hard hat and tool belt: “I don’t want to be a Handsome Prince, Maggie, I’m Bob the Builder.”

* * * * *

NOAH, (5 1/2): Mommy, isn’t it disgusting? I don’t even like Annie!
ANNIE,( 3 1/2): Don’t you say disgusting to me. I’m beautiful. Do you like me now, Noah?
NOAH: No.
ANNIE: You should. I’m nice.

* * * * *

And a few from Maggie when she was young – four years old and under:

• When her throat was sore she said, “My neck hurts on the inside”.
• When her mom was expecting #3: “Mom, are you tired of carrying that baby around?”
• She knew the names her parents had chosen, so when I told her that Mommy had the baby she asked, “Is it an Annie or a Levi?”
• When Maggie was at our house one day, I called her mother. When I got off the phone Maggie asked, “Was that my friend, Mommy?”

* * * * *

ANNIE – Dec. 2012, Age 3 1/2

“This is not dangerous, Mommy. You can’t fall anywhere!” (she says with a pair of scissors in her hand and another pair on top of the stool)

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* * * * *

Annie (3) drew this picture.

It’s the Beaver and Wally (from Leave it to Beaver) in their room with spider webs everywhere and the spiders are trying to take away their clocks (the things that look like stoplights) and give the clocks back to “the people”, whomever they are.

What an odd, hilarious masterpiece. 🙂

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*****

Annie (4) was sitting at the kitchen island, quite intent on colouring a picture of a kitten, when she looked up and said, “Noah (6) can’t be in my secret club because he eats boogers”. Then she went right back to colouring.

* * * * *

Annie (just turned 4) stayed overnight, and the morning was full of her observations:

• I told her that I would make breakfast and wondered if she’d like a cup of coffee.
  ANNIE: No thanks. Kids don’t actually drink coffee because that would make them die, I think.
• “I heard someone say ‘exquisite’, Nan. Isn’t that a BEAUTIFUL word?”
• “We watched-ed some doctors on Mommy’s iPad give a person a new heart. Maggie (7) and Noah (6) thought it was disgusting but I thought it was so interesting.”

* * * * *

Annie (4) was at my sister Arlene’s house and two of her three grown sons, Jeff and Chris, were also there.

After awhile Chris went downstairs.

ANNIE: Where’s the boy that doesn’t look like Jeff?
ARLENE: He went down to the basement.
ANNIE: No, I mean where is the boy that doesn’t look like Jeff or Chris?

Patrick, number three, was at work!

* * * * *

Nolan (just about to turn 3) came from Virginia to visit for a few days. My parents dropped by, and when they went out to the yard where he was playing, he looked at them and shouted, “Grandma! Grandpa!” He went running toward them but kept going, straight into the house.

A minute later he came back out, holding up a framed picture of the two of them.

“Look!” he exclaimed as he ran over to hold up the picture beside them. “The same. They match!!”

* * * * *

We were in Virginia, visiting Nolan (3) and his parents. They live on a university campus, and one of Nolan’s little joys is to sit in Daddy’s lap and “drive” once they turn off the street and into the huge parking lots.

Today his mom, Sarah, took us out for the morning and when we were almost home, Nolan piped up from the backseat, “Me drive, Mommy?”
SARAH: “No, not today. You can drive with Daddy.”
NOLAN: “But we on CAMPUS Mommy!! I can drive on campus!”

During the same visit, we  were invited to visit with one of Scott’s profs, and Nolan was pleased because his assistant always has lollipops on hand.

When we arrived, Nolan looked around and asked, “Where’s Gretchen?”

Told that she had left for the day, he lifted his shoulders and held out his hands in and exaggerated shrug and said in a sad little voice, “Oh, well … accidents happen.”

* * * * *

Nolan (just turned 3) is going through a growth spurt — shoes two sizes bigger in just two months, and growing taller too.

SARAH: “You’re growing up too fast, Nolan,” and then she pretended to cry.

NOLAN: “Mommy don’t cry, it’s not sad, me big…be happy mommy,” as he touched her face and gave her a hug.

* * * * *

Nolan: 3 yr. 3 mo.

NOLAN: Mommy, I have a baby in my tummy.

MOMMY: How did it get in your tummy?

NOLAN: Me eat it.

And a little later on …

NOLAN: Mommy, I have a baby in my tummy and it’s going to crawl out soon. It hatch out of an egg and be a tiny, baby boy!

MOMMY: Wow, Nolan, that’s crazy!

NOLAN: Yes, Mommy, it is! I am going to make him a tiny bed too!

* * * * *

And the grand finale, from our son Andrew. He’s twenty-six years old and a high-functioning young man with an intellectual disability. He calls every afternoon for his daily check-in, and on this particular day he was quite pleased about the day-long First-Aid/CPR course he’d just completed. He also wanted to ask about his Grandma who was in the hospital.

ANDREW: How’s Grandma Stewart doing?
ME: Well, they did surgery on her broken hip this morning, and she’s doing fine now.
ANDREW: How did she break her hip?
ME: She fell.
ANDREW: That’s what I do.
ME: You fall?
ANDREW: No, I keep my eyes open when I walk around town. If people fall down I help them. You know, give them CPR and stuff.